"SHOTS!" Kassim screams. "TEQUILA SHOTS!"

"Oh no," you say. "Oh no no. No shots, Kassim. Kassim, would you please come this way?"

Kassim copes with stress by drinking it. There's technically no alcohol aboard the Solaris, as she's a military ship, but First Fleet is First Fleet and InSec doesn't search for contraband. "Laporte," he slurs, one arm around your waist (he does flirt with you but only if he's sober: it vanishes when he drinks), "La Porte, the door, the door. Let's open the door. With shots!"

"Door's closed," you grunt, to the disappointment of Savchuka From Life Systems, who's been pouring your bourbon. She's not going anywhere, is she? She can wait. "Up you go. Pull up, Kassim."

"Pull up! Pull up!" He staggers out of his chair. "Byoooooom. Crash!"

Fleet posted Kassim to the number two slot in your wing, and on paper he's a great pilot. In practice he's a great pilot too. His problems come exclusively before and after missions, when he cycles between

a) compulsively refreshing the news
b) reading depressing letters written by dead people
c) partying
d) de-partying in sickbay
e) thanking Uncle Manuel for covering up his drinking

Today you caught Kassim curled up with a sheaf of Tev propaganda, which is not strictly contraband (Ubuntu being what it is) but which would earn him a stiff talking-to. He was...you're not sure what he was doing. He looked ashamed. He snapped at you when you said something, and then he invited you to the bar to apologize. More apologies may soon be necessary.

"What's over here," Kassim says, as you carry him towards the hatch. "Are there shots over here. Set a course...for tequila, Alpha One."

"Let's go talk to the nice man on sickbay," you say.

"I'm not sick." He frowns enormously, his mouth twisted up. "I'm a perfectly healthy and reasonably detached combat pilot who has developed coping mechanisms for the psychological and emotional challenges of high-intensity warfare."

You should tell Savchuka from Life Systems to invent a drink called the Coping Mechanism. But right now you have to take care of Kassim. You kind of like him, all in all: he's spontaneous, honest, energetic, competitive, and fun.

"I feel sick," he grunts. "Coping mechanisms inadequate! Abort to trash can!"

You kind of like him. All in all.